i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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