she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I had to cum in my sink.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
