i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
