I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
