I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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