They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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