The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
