Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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