I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
