It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
