you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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