I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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