My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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