I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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