It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
