Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
