So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize