I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
