and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
