forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she told me i tasted like america
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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