what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
