Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
