"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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