New low: just hacked my moms facebook
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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