I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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