Non-Jews are for practice
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
