bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
