he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize