You're my little dorito
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I love having hate sex.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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