Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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