he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
