i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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