I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Holy shit dude........stairs
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
