i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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