so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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