Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
