He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
