just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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