Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
