All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
