I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
