Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
