There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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