Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
