How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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