if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
