I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
