she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
