Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
