Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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