My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
