did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
