just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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