I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
