ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
