Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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