First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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