he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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