I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize