I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
