he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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