This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize