You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
