Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it hurts more in the daytime
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
