I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
