your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
