I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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