You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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