I will die if light touches me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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