When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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