you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
