my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
