I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
