made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
