put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
