She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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