Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
