Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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