Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize