I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
