Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
