DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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