He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
