i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
