can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
