:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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