She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
