If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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