I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
