I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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