So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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