now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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