how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
