physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
