Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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