i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize